you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
