whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
