Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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