i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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