do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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