Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
