I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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