I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
