I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
