Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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