I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
