I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think people are normalizing furries
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
