They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so that wasnt chicken after all
oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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