im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
