State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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