I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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