non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
