We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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