My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
