Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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