Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
