Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
