hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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