I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
