hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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