I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
