he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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