Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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