Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
