yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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