Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
4 words: hood of his car
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
