I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
