Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
