Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oh god the rape fog is back!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
