I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
