He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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