Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
