I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
