just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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