boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
