Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
