so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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