but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
