if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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