Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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