he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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