This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
