I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
