Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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