Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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