His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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