Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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