1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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