I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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