He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i think i just lost a toe
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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