I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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