well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
