I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
