from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My hand turned me down
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
