I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
