what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
