i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
there is glitter all over my balls
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