So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
