i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
