were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
